theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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