I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
