it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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