every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
