mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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