Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
