Plan B is the new Plan A
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
