Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
honey bunches of taint.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
