My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
