Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
