Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
smell my finger.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
