I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
