respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
