I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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