if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
