Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
