either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
