You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize