the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
