I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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