Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
what day is it and did you see me today?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
