I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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