Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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