It's Friday. Sex?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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