i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
