In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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