hotel room ftw
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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