I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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