just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
