Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
