I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
