please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
