I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
