First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
