the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
