You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
