The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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