Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
