I skipped work to stalk him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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