I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
