Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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