ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
