I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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