so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
