you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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