you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize