Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
