so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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