remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
