I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize