you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
