I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
