i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
