kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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