can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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