onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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