True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
