READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
