Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
