I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
