Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
