Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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