She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
