I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
