If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
