First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
