Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize