Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
