these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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