So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My penis needs a shock collar
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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