I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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