Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
