The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
