Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
