Kiss
Puke
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
