i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Barsexuality is the new black.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
