After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
