I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
