No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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