You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
