bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
True college students do jello shots in the library
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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