Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
