I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
